I BalaLIKEa it.

Lack of posting over the summer has mainly been due to my camp-counselor alter-ego, who we will call "Яблоко" (Pronounced YAH-bluh-kuh and meaning Apple). Яблоко is an awesome counselor at a certain Russian-language summer camp which offers a complete linguistic and cultural immersion experience for their campers. In line with the cultural side of things, we have a lovely collection of Balalaikas. If you don't know what a balalaika is, you are about to find out (or you just clicked on the link, and now you have a general idea).

While Яблоко is normally way too busy for any such distraction, this year part of her orientation included a master-class on Balalaika, and she was immediately hooked. The results were devastating. See here:

Now, seeing as the balalaika collection belongs to the camp, Яблоко had a good four weeks during which she was able to occasionally sneak away, in the dark of night, and practice a few chords on her little triangular three-string. After that, however, it was time to come home, and the balalaika she loved was packed away in a rubbermaid box with all of its balalaika buddies, not to be seen or heard from until next summer. Tragic, I know. And thus began my search for a balalaika of my very own.

As soon as I made it back to civilization, I stopped in to my local music store where I asked the strange question: "This is a longshot, but do you know where I might find a balalaika?" Of course, it was a longshot, and "I know a guy who might know a guy..." line was the best I could get. Later on, my wonderful, beautiful aunt called me and said "Hey Sarah, did you try taking alook at the local music shop?" which prompted my re-telling of the whole scenario, and the bleak prospects that it had offered. "Oh," she replied with a confused tone, "because I was just there, and I saw what I am pretty sure is a balalaika. You should go back and check, because when I asked what it was, no one at the shop seemed to know what a balalaika would look like anyway! But there it was, three strings, triangle-shaped and all..."

My aunt didn't get a chance to complete her thought, because I was already in my car driving back to the music store where I walked into the back room and saw with my own two eyes a BEAUTIFUL specimen, albeit covered in years off dust and equipped with strings dating back to the soviet union. In his own defense, the shopkeeper admitted that "You know, as soon as you left the other day, I got to thinkin'... isn't that a balalaika? But ya know, I just wasn't sure!" Frustrated (but elated at the idea of having something to play), I ask "Any idea how much you would sell it for?" ...The response killed me: "Oh, not a clue! And to tell the truth, that's an original right there, and I wouldn't want to sell it to just anyone..."So, there went the balalaika. Back to sit on the shelf, collecting dust, because I wasnt going to shell out an impressive sum for an "original" soviet balalaika that originally cost 5 rubles and 40 kopeks. 

...But thank goodness, we have Ebay! And on Ebay, no one knows exactly what a balalaika is either, which is why you can find plenty of them up for auction titled "RUSSIAN VINTAGE GUITAR UKULELE BALALAIKA DOMRA HIGH QUALITY FROM USSR PLAYS NICE!!" The prices are reasonable, especially the "original" (haha) soviet leftovers --- but knowing me, I couldn't buy one for $150 when there were auctions starting as low as $30! So I wait, refreshing the ebay page on my phone for two days, waiting until the last minutes of an auction to bid $36 dollars on a beautiful little balalaika that was shipped to my house three days later! What bliss! Finally, she is here! She just needs a little oil on the tuners, and she's ready to go! I am so pumped and immediately show my dad, who, in an attempt to fix it himself, FLICKS one of the stuck tuning pegs and SNAPS. IT. IN. HALF.

Ok. Whatever. I just need to get new tuners. It needed them anyway, right? How hard can those be to find? I talk to Music store man, who tells me that normally a set of machine heads will run around $20 --- perfect! But we need BALALAIKA machine heads. And where can you get those? Anybody know the answer??? Anybody????

...

...

...Nowhere.

As I scour the internet for days, I find a meager list of closed businesses, luthiers who repair traditional string instruments, and specialty balalaika websites that haven't been updated since 2009 (either way, they are SOLD OUT of balalaika machine heads, as it says in their product description). I resort to calling and emailing each business on the list, which leads only to unanswered emails and just as many phone conversations where disgruntled Russian men tell me "You can't find them in US, nowhere you can find them. Only I make them custom, you come to my shop, you pay $100, is only way." I am starting to believe them, because so far, everywhere I look, I have come up empty.

And this, my friends, is where I stand. This is my life. I can only hope that I have better luck next week when I move to Kansas, where I may just buy-up every UKRAINIAN FOLK GUITAR AUTHENTIC THREE STRING TUNES UP NICE that ebay has to offer. Until then, I will be camping on Lake Isabella with Dad and ignoring every single one of you :) BWCA 2014 Wooh!

Love,

Sarah